I am in love with Today

I am maybe making progress on my peace-making mission or maybe falling into another stupid situation.

It seems like the past is cathing up with me, really fast, and I don't want to miss a thing, everything.. I want more.

I am savouring the overwhelming sensation of a whiff or two, of a touch or two. I am meticulously really into them.

I think I know when to stop.. I will stop when I want to stop.. But first I will tell you how much I miss you..
July 4th 06

Oooh La Laaa

This is getting really nasty, when you started doing things you dont normally do. Or you think about things you dont normally care about.. Or you actually give some thoughts about doing things you dont normally would do..

I've done all of the above just within the past week..

Somehow I believe the universe is trying to tell me something.. Otherwise, I've gone mental..

Miss you sweetie

I was 20, a bitch, an angel, and deliriously alive when I was with her.

I miss my bitchy babe!

(Pol, I wish you can read this)

What the Hell??

OY!!! Please stop spamming my blog. Thank you!

(I know its useless, I just need to vent something out.. But really, I think it's rude..)

My Birthday

Its my birthday today. I have just turned 28. I wish for a wiser me for years to come.

Five minutes after the clock struck midnite, my boyfriend called to wish me a happy birthday. I wish he'll be next to me for me to hug next year, coz his home is my home.

I woke up to the ringing of my cell, my mother ask me to go downstairs to fetch my birthday present. I love the presents, and my mother handpicked them, so they worth a lot. I wish I was more enthusiastic coz they didn't seem convinced that I love the presents.

From morning to noon, took small naps and laying around on my bed reading a new novel. It was my plan to do whatever I please in the morning and during the day, and so I did. Took a shower at 2pm. I wish to be more hygienic starting tomorrow.

Had afternoon tea with my best girls and my bestmen at Grand Mahakam. It was marvellous and beyond words. I was very happy. I wish for our friendships to last eternally.

Went to have dinner with mom, dad, uncle, and boyfriend. The foods were fantastic, I got to eat whatever I desire. I think my cholesterol level has just risen up. I would've wished for a wiser sense of eating, but I wont coz it was my birthday!

I have got a lot of birthday wishes, some came from friends that I dont remember theirs. I wish to give more love to those who care.

Today is my birthday. I pray for a better me in days to come. I wish to be happy and make others happy.. Amen.

The Mayonnaise Jar and the Beer

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.

He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous "Yes."

The professor then produced two cans of beer from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand.

The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.

The golf balls are the important things - your family, your children, your health, your friends, and your passions, things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car.

The sand is everything else - the small stuff. If you put the sand into the jar first, there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.

The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. There will always be time to clean the house, and fix the disposal.

Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer represented.

The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked," he said. "It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of beers."

-When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar........and the beer (or green-tea frappucino if you don't drink beers)-

a note: I merely re-write and gave little personal touches to the story above. Whomever wrote it is a genius or somebody desperate for a way out of her/his hectic life; or somebody just like me who need a justification to have fun all the time.

Finding Careerland

For the past few days, I’ve been secretly wondering about who I am in this life, professional wise. I was having a hard time deciding what do I do for a living when I tried to fill out a form. Of all the vocations in the list (which is about hundreds of them), I couldn’t exactly put my finger on one specific career I’ve been doing all this time. And that actually got me thinking, real hard, that I’ll be 28 years old in a few weeks, and I still don’t know my place in the world. That freaked me out!!! (I’m sure it’s gonna freak you out too, wont it? Of course it will..)

I took psychology course on my first degree, but I didn’t take (I think it’s called) the profession stage, which leads me profession less. I’ve got the knowledge but yet haven’t got the skills to deal with clients. Then I took Design Psychology for my masters degree, which I figured after my graduation, was actually designed for design graduates instead of psychology. So even though I know stuffs about psychology aspects in designs and damn good at it, I found that I’m one leg short to stand as a design psychologist, I have no knowledge in design! Therefore, I sort of owning two bikes, but only got one wheel on each of them, I can’t ride them, can I? Oh and I also took a jewellery-making course and interior styling on Easter breaks.

To sum up, my educational backgrounds don’t match, not to mention support, each other. And don’t get me started on my working experience; it stretches as far as from an IT journalist to a wedding box business.

Anyway, there I was, jobless and nobody seems to want my shares of knowledge because I’m not particularly properly certificated on anything. But certificated or not, this girl gotta make a living.

So somehow I landed myself a career as a freelance stylist and I’m starting up my (still) small jewellery company. If you’ve been paying attention, both are the careers (I’d like to call them careers) based on the Easter courses; a few weeks having fun in the class making jewellery and mood boards, not the long 8 years of morning classes, exams, and trying to locate the professors on holidays in Vietnam.

Ok, I have a point and I’m not getting to it. Until an hour ago, I still have no idea what I want to do in my life for a living. For the last few days, I was considering working at big offices, getting paid and secure my health insurance and pension. Perhaps that way I’ll have my peace of mind, I’ll have a career, a real career.

But just before I go to bed this evening, I was putting my freshly hand-made jewelleries on display, and I felt a surge of happiness because they are so very pretty and they make my heart gulps. I like it when my heart gulps, it feels really nice. I need my daily dose of heart-gulp, and I just happen to know where to get them.

I’ve decided to become a full-time jewellery designer. I need to be surrounded by things that make me happy, and designing and making jewellery, which I have been doing in the past 7 months, makes me happy. I’m going to make a career out of this. And not long from now I’ll call myself a jewellery designer. Oh, and I shall continue my career as part time stylist if anyone still wants me.

Oh I’m so glad, I’ve actually got the careers of my dream all along. Just need to trim some sharp edges to turn my career life smooth as a baby’s butt :D Wish me luck!

No!

Its a very short word, consists of only two letters, but I wouldnt be surprised if it is the hardest word to say in the whole wide world. In my world at least.

Oh well, I didnt mean to make such a big deal out of it. Its just.. I still have no idea how to say 'no' to someone nice and sweet, but empirically-proven has annoyed you in the past and most likely will do it again unless you say 'NO'?

This girl who I'm not really close with, has always nag me with questions about my ex. The story is soo last century, she is sooo not well-update, yet she acts like she knows every so-called juicy details about my ex that she's dying to spill. How she thinks I'm interested, I havent got a clue.

There were times when she would just popped in to my house, nonchalantly asked me why I broke up with my ex and how she couldnt understand it, and how grave the situation was according to her and the rest of the world but me, and how I have broke his heart, and lalalala, and then slept on my bed (after she told me she'll continue her story tomorrow coz now she was too tired).

She has questioned the ex's stuffs when I was still single, just broke up. And she has just done it again earlier today when I met her. I'm now attached and I was with my boyfriend when she did that. I really think she's mental.

Anyway, I tried to make a conversation with her, and I simply ask her about a test which she asked for my help months before. It was really such a harmless question.. At least I thought so..

Then came her answer, such an unthinkable answer, she said (while smiling, coz she's of course actually a nice person), "I'll tell you all about it later. I'll come over to your house soon." WAK!!! Whyyy?? Why did I have to try to converse with herr??

Anyway, of course I didnt say 'no, you cannot come to my house'. Instead, I smiled (weakly) and said, "Oukay.."

Whhyyy couldnt I say 'no'? --> 'No, I dont think that's a good idea', would be a quite appropriate answer, wouldnt it? And if it looks like she's gonna cry, just add, "We can meet up at a cafe sometime." At least she wont be barging into my personal life in my own crib! I can always leave the cafe anytime I like, but I cant just get out of my own house, to go to..where?

Anyway, like my bestfriend said, we can always defend ourselves from assholes, but we certainly powerless against a nice and sweet person although she can be as annoying as the assholes. The difference is only a smile away. I certainly lack the ability to say 'no' to people who smiles..